7 Things We Do to Set Our Kids Up for Success

What are the 7 things we do to set our kids up for success?

We have 2 daughters, ages 18 and 9, and both are doing very well academically and socially. Their teachers tell us that they are hard workers and are very caring and respectful. They also have a lot of friends. Our girls value family time and love when we are all hanging out together (yes, even the teenager!). Although they are far from perfect, they are good kids. Oftentimes, I get questions about my parenting style, and if I believe they are the way they are because I made the decision to be a stay-at-home mom.

I don’t think our daughters are they way they are simply because I am at home. I think it is a combination of things my husband and I teach them and I believe that even if I worked outside of the home, we’d have the same results.

Disclaimer:  In no way am I saying that you have to do what I do to set your kids up for success. There are many different variables that come into play when raising kids. I’m just sharing what I do and what works for our family. Also, this list is not all-inclusive, but presents what I think are most important and works well to motivate our kids.

1. We teach our children to love and honor God. In our home, God comes before everything else. Whenever our home life feels a little off, we reevaluate what we are doing with our time. Have we stopped attending church regularly? Are we not able to have as many “What Would Jesus Do?” conversations? Usually, after taking a moment to see how we got off track, we make adjustments and things begin to smooth themselves out. Our family motto is: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” Joshua 24:15. When their hearts and minds are focused on God, they are able to go out into the world with a kinder, gentler spirit and others seem to take notice.
2. We are present in our children’s lives. By present, I don’t only mean physically, I also mean emotionally. When they speak to us or ask a question, we stop and look them in the eye, listen to what they have to say, and respond. Based on the topics that come up in our home, we can tell our girls feel secure in our physical and emotional presence. They know we will listen to them and be sensitive to what they are feeling or going through. Remember, if your kids think you’re not listening to them, eventually they will stop talking to you.  I don’t want my girls to stop talking, so I listen! 🙂
3. We hold them accountable. Our children totally understand that there are consequences for every action, good or bad. When they do something wrong, they expect to be disciplined and when they do the right thing, they are rewarded. Thank goodness our kids are fast learners! They have figured out that life is more pleasant when you do the right thing.
4. We set high expectations. I believe that children will produce according to your expectations. If your expectations are low, they won’t even try because there is nothing to aspire to. If you set high expectations, they will work hard to make you and themselves proud. Now, here’s the tricky part. How do you know if your expectations are too high? You have to know what your child can and cannot handle. Sometimes my oldest daughter states that I push her too hard and I have to explain to her that I know what she is capable of. If she is not performing in a class like she would like, it is usually because her study habits have been slacking. When she corrects it and studies harder, she is able to get the grades she wants and needs. In those classes, I expect her to try her best to get A’s. There are other classes where I see her trying her best and studying but still not getting the grades she wants. At those times, we come up with a plan for her to talk to her teacher so it can be explained in a way she can understand. If she still struggles, my expectations are lower for those classes. I expect her to get no less than a B in those classes because I want her to continue to push herself and not give up. When she actually receives an A in the class, you can see the pride written all over her face! Time to celebrate! 🙂
5. We don’t lie to them. If there is one thing our girls can count on, it’s our honesty. We are always honest (while preserving their feelings), and they know we will not sugarcoat things. If we must deliver bad news, we try to soften it  and work together to come up with a solution. If they ask for our opinion, we’ll first ask them what they think about it and go from there. We want them to be able to figure out what they like without always looking to others for approval. The goal is to tell them the truth while uplifting and motivating them at the same time. Tricky, but doable!
6. We teach them empathy. This step is so important because it teaches our children to feel what others are feeling. I began teaching this skill when they were very young and spending time around other toddlers. Toddlers can be very emotional, and being around them gives you plenty of opportunities to teach empathy. When someone falls and cries, I ask my child “Do you think he’s hurt? Would you be hurt if you fell? What do you think would make him feel better?” We know it’s working because we see our girls showing empathy quite frequently. My oldest has stopped numerous bullying incidents at school, and my youngest tells me all the time about how she sticks up for people on the school bus and how she comforted a friend when her pet died. Makes me a proud mama when they tell me these stories!
7. We teach them to be open-minded. We try to help them understand that their way is not always the only or best way. We explain the process of listening to what others have to say and then making your decision to believe them or not. Everyone has an opinion and everyone believes they are right. The least you can do is listen to them.

So, those are the 7 things we do to set our kids up for success! What do you think? What ways do you set your kids up for success?

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